Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Hide the children and say goodbye to your mother because there's another MINISTRY OF SECRET JOKES show tonight at Fergie's Pub (1214 Sansom St.) starting at 9PM. Included in the proceedings will be an epic Omniana battle between Champion Pat "Worm Man" Barker and Steve "It's Ridiculous" Gerben, Hack! The Game Show, a bunch of stand-up comics and more. We recently uncovered the details of last month's show for

And recently Comic Vs. Audience came across the beginning of a Ministry of Secret Jokes initiation ritual that we are bravely posting below. Like usual, don't say you saw it here when you are asked.

Leader: Raise your left hand, and follow along silently, while moving your lips, like hillbillies do when they’re trying to read: I understand the penalty of divulging any of the secret jokes is having my throat cut across, my tongue torn out by its roots, and my body buried in the rough sands of the sea at low water mark, where the tide ebbs and flows twice in twenty-four hours, should I ever knowingly violate this my obligation. If you understand, say "I do."

Crowd: I do.

Leader: I hele.

Crowd: We conceal.

Leader: What do you conceal?

Crowd: All the secret jokes, to which this token alludes.

Leader: You’re a great crowd.

Crowd: We should give ourselves a big hand, just for coming out tonight. Fuck firefighters, we are the real heroes.

(Using your thumb and pinkie, grasp the elbow of the person to your left with your right hand. Then poke them in the ribs with your left elbow. Imagine a world without instant coffee.)
This next two images appear to be from a "Kid's Corner" recruitment section for young children that hides behind the guise of being "educational".

And finally, our survelliance footage from the first show.

1 comment:

Bob Charger said...

Wouldn't the silver rain fall from the sky at an growing rate of roughly 15 feet per second per second, hitting the haunted house at about 130 mph? That would easily kill both participants, making this battle a draw.

Except the vampire would still be alive-- only brainless.