DEAF COMEDY JAMZ: Don't Take Our Songs So Seriously

DEAF COMEDY JAMZ is a new (hopefully) weekly feature on music. Here, Mike from the hardcore trio CHAOS CITY addresses their fans.

Hey guys,

Mike from CHAOS CITY here. Just wanted to give you a quick update on our awesome tour with THE MAGIC KILLERS. We're kickin' ass all over the West Coast and making our way to The East where we will destroy there as well. It's been a legendary tour of sex, drugs and awesome vegan burritos (check out The Barrio in El Paso). Anyway, I wanted to address something that has been happening at our shows lately....

Last night in Sioux City was the last straw. I love you guys (the REAL fans), but you have to stop tearing apart our equipment when we play our song "Destroy Shit". We know it's a heavy song and it's awesome that you love it, but dude, that stuff isn't cheap. I mean, our album is selling well (thanks to you, again, the REAL fans), but we want to start turning a profit here and we can't do that if we've got to replace amps and guitars almost every other show. So please, I'm begging you, keep it under control during that killer breakdown part in the middle.

Also, please don't take our epic song "Steal Everything You Can" so seriously. After a show last week in Boulder, Colorado, we returned to our van to see that someone had stolen the gas! I mean, come on! There wasn't a drop left in the tank to start El Diablo up, so we had to walk for a few hours until we found a gas station. Luckily we didn't have to worry about our equipment getting stolen because it was all broken anyway, but still, jesus, you guys live out in the middle of nowhere (thanks for coming out though!). Plus, gas isn't cheap- we don't have of those cooking oil hippie van things.

Seriously, why would someone do this? What, you don't want us to perform for our fans in other parts of the country? That van is the only way that we can get from gig to gig. It's flattering that you would want us to stay in your town another night, but we've got to keep moving on to the next town we are going to conquer!

FINALLY- one last request. Please, please don't attack our roadie Jerry during "Kill The Bald Guy." In Boise a few weeks ago he got nailed pretty hard and had to get 17 stitches in at the local hospital. Here's the thing- we had to pay for those hospital costs out of pocket. We can't afford full health insurance for Jerry and god knows he can't pay for it himself with the drinkin' and druggin' and all (which has actually helped him deal with the pain from his busted up knee when he got assaulted at the Carson City show at the beginning of the tour). He can keep it together for most of the day, but not when he's lying in a pool of his own blood on the floor.

Honestly, you guys take our songs way too seriously. If you listened closely to the lyrics (we put them in the liner notes of each CD for a reason), you'd notice that the songs are metaphors for the current state of our country: this Administration, Fascists (who we are staunchly against) and anything that has to do with The Man. Except for "Let's Have Sex." That one is pretty obvious. -Dave Walk