Garfield Minus Garfield

As a young boy, we loved Garfield for his snide comments, laziness and overall sarcastic demeanor. We would check out books from the library and breeze through them in a day, which was great because it made you feel like you actually accomplished something and put off the next Hardy Boys book until tomorrow. We started eating lasagna and kicking dogs because of Garfield.

As we grew older and more mature, we noticed that Garfield had thought balloons instead of talking balloons like Jon. Garfield Minus Garfield obviously takes Garfield out of the strips to make "an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life." So sad it's hilarious.
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BILL COSBY: Wives, Adam & Eve and Turkey Bacon

There’s a scene in 2002’s documentary Comedian, about Jerry Seinfeld’s re-entrance into the world of stand-up comedy, where he’s sitting in a New York comedy club with Chris Rock. “I saw Bill Cosby three weeks ago,” Rock says.

“Really?”

“The best comedy show I ever saw in my life.”

Seinfeld’s mouth gapes, his eyes bug and he sincerely looks shocked.

“I took like 15 people,” Rock continues. “We had all seen him before. We only knew one bit. He did two and a half hours.”

They both laugh in disbelief.

“The best shit, Jerry,” Rock continues, ”I felt like a fucking fraud. What is this? What, I’m good? Who says I’m good? Who says any of us are good? Sixty-three and embracing it.”

“Did he have an opening act?”

“No.”

“So he took an intermission after…”

“No, he didn’t take an intermission.”

Again, Seinfeld looks shocked. “Two and a half hours straight?”

“Pow, pow, two and a half hours of killer shit,” Rock says. “Killer and it’s so much edgier now and mean. Oh, you’ve got to see it.”


Cosby’s seventy years old now and its been forty-five years since his debut comedy album. And even though he may be known to some for wearing his trademark sweaters on The Cosby Show, the pudding pops or, more recently, for his critical remarks towards African American families, he is, perhaps, a stand-up comedian before anything else.

And he’s still performing live. This past Sunday the 24th, he was at the State Theatre in New Brunswick, New Jersey and he did two shows, three and seven.

In a way, he’s a monologist more than anything else. His act isn’t like most other stand-up acts in the traditional sense of setup-joke because it’s all so flowing and seamless. And, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone as relaxed and confident on stage. He wore a sweatshirt that said “HELLO FRIEND” in various colors and spent most of the show leaning back in a chair with his legs slightly spread - not exactly someone that is worried about what the audience thinks. Surprisingly, there were people in the front that talked to him between jokes, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Rather, he took the opportunity to engage and gently make fun of them. Like “I’m Bill Cosby, go ahead and try to be funny.” The interruption didn’t throw him off at all.


After one bit there was silence, and audience members yelled out topics for him to cover. “Teenagers!” one woman yelled.

“Do you think, if I wanted to go there…”

Instead, he talked about Adam and Eve, wives, turkey bacon, dentists and getting old. That last topic got me thinking about what Chris Rock said about embracing it. Cosby talked about how his wife was going to live to 188 “and still be looking good. Not me, I know I’m going to die. Because I get that feeling, when I walk, I feel people turning the lights out.” Even something so honest and piercing as this got a huge laugh, because at this point the audience was eating out of his hand.

It was the Cosby style. Totally clean and making fun of people (mostly his wife), yet not ever too mean-spirited. Like Richard Pryor, often it's him that's the idiot. Subtle phrases and turns of the story that relied on timing, pacing and the volume of his voice. And there’s no one else that is quite as good of a storyteller.

And yes, he really did five minutes on turkey bacon.

Later in Comedian, Seinfeld goes to see Cosby perform in Newark, New Jersey. Seinfeld is again incredulous that Cosby does two long theater shows in one night.

“Sure, sure, I love it,” Cosby replies. “I just love it.”
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Dave Chappelle was in Philly yesterday?

Hmmm.... And maybe he's still here today?

We hate to link everything from Philebrity this morning, but being huge Wire fans, we found this to be hilarious.
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Catching Up

Judge Dom Irrera! Awesome!

Doug Benson's 'I Love Movies' is coming back! Awesome!

Human Giant canceled their Philly date! Not awesome.

Mike Birbiglia is going out on tour again, but skipping over Philly. Oh boy, we are really slumping now.

Luckily, there's always good stuff to listen to (what a segue!). The Sound of Young America's recent interview with Ken Freedman and Andy Breckman turned us on to their amazing show Seven Second Delay on Jersey City's WFMU (aka the Greatest Radio Station Ever). Eeach week, the guys try to pull off a stunt with the help of the listeners. Sometimes they don't work as Freedman and Breckman realize the Fatal Flaw and sometimes they work in unexpected ways. We've just begun to scratch the surface of this 15-year old show, but can recommend "Ken and Andy Channel the Radio Dial", "The No-Lulls Fight Show" and "As Famous as Andy". Freedman and Breckman are a great comedy team, the former plays the straight man that's usually frustrated by the silly and mean comments of the latter (congrats, btw).

We love when the worlds of comedy and sports collide, especially when it's on the Worldwide Leader. Here's Jeff Garlin on ESPN Radio's "Thundering Herd" with Colin's Cowherd:

Scroll through the first half unless you're interested in boring talk about steroids in baseball (get 'em, Congress, get 'em!).

His opening kills me:

CC: How are you my friend?
Garlin: I'm young and handsome.

Somewhat related: Ex-Inquirer columnist Stephen A. Smith talks about Roger Clemens being possibly pardoned by Pres. Bush. Really? Stephen A. goes off here! The fact that he yells like this at least once every show makes it great and horrible at the same time.

In other news, there's seriously a lot of f*cking going on (this blog doesn't work blue) and you've got to think it's going to end soon.

Last night there was an AST Records one-year anniversary show at the UCB-LA where all of the label's comics performed except for Paul F. Tompkins, who had to cancel. And we may be jumping the gun, but it looks like Doug Benson, Andy Daly and Chip Pope are going to have their own live albums out on AST Records soon. Exciting.

Jimmy Pardo is the perfect host for a TV game show, so sign the damn petition.

This American Life tackles The Onion's writers' room. The paper is so ubiquitous at this point that it must be a challenge to mix things up. And they've been around for so long that their younger writers grew up and were influenced by their humor.

A sneak peek of Todd Barry's new album!

The Coming is back!

And finally, George Carlin's doing another HBO stand-up special and this one is live (why did I bury the lead?)!
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VIDEO: Illegal Refill - long-form improv

February 9th at the Shubin Theatre, opening for The Sixth Borough.
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TONIGHT: Die, Actor, Die at The Khyber

DIE ACTOR DIE - It's a comedy show!

Hosted by Don Montrey

Featuring:
Roger Weaver
Nolan Gilbride
Richie Redding
Pat Kelly
and
Secret Pants

When: Monday, February 25th
Where: The Khyber (56 S. 2nd Street)
What (Time): 8 PM
How (Much): $5
Why (Should I Come): Every time you don't come an angel gets its wings gnawed off by a different kind of angel. Also, Drink Specials: $1 PBR and Miller Lites, $2 Lagers and $2 Dead Actors.
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SATURDAY: Pat House, Chip Chantry and Steve Gerben on NBC10's "Dig Philly TV"

From Pat House's Myspace:

Set your Tivos, VCRs, thingamajigs and doohickeys because THIS Saturday, I will be on NBC 10's new show, "Dig Philly TV" (it's the premiere!) with my good friends, Chip Chantry and Steve Gerben.

It's a what's-going-on-in-the-city kind of show, and the three of us filmed a "Best Week Ever"-type segment for it today making fun of Philly-related news headlines. I think it came out great, so make sure you tune in.
Dig Philly TV: Saturday Feb. 23, 7:30pm, NBC 10. Check your local listings.

UPDATE: The episode can also be viewed through Comcast On Demand at Get Local - NBC10 - Digphilly
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VIDEO: Meg & Rob at Bedtime Stories

Great Depression-era sketch comedy from Meg & Rob from this month's installment of BEDTIME STORIES at the Shubin Theatre.
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The Onion columnist Jean Teasdale tries stand-up

Comedy Tonight!

I'm still not sure what possessed me to walk into Laughingstock's Comedy Club and sign up for their open-mic night. But I guess sometimes the less...

A sentiment that all of us that have done stand-up at an open mic can relate to, especially if you went up with a red clown nose on.
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RECAP: Bedtime Stories 2/6

The theme of this month's episode of Bedtime Stories was "Girls Gone Wild" and each performer brought a different spin to the idea:

- Host Gregg Gethard told a story about his old girlfriend 17-year old punk rock girlfriend (he was a college 22-year old college graduate) and then he sang a song about her with the help of Sixth Borough's Tabitha Vidaurri.

- Secret Pants fought the good fight against the girls that went wild in Gender Wars 2015.
Photo Credit: Pat Kelly

- Little Miss Jaime Fountaine of North Wales read excerpts from her diary about a sleepover she had with her friends.
Photo Credit: Pat Kelly

- Meg & Rob took us to a basement in the 1930s as a young man experiences Paramour Industries’ “Love Over The Phone”.
Photo Credit: Pat Kelly

- From the far distant future, Derrick Finn explained time travel and the webcam whore.
Photo Credit: Pat Kelly

- From the far to the near future: the audience got a sneak peak at some new Disney channel shows about Hannah Montana and Jaime Lynn Spears.

- And finally, Doogie Horner, John Kensil and Jen Thwing went hunting and talked about love.
Photo Credit: Pat Kelly

Check back tomorrow for some video from the evening.

RELATED:
- Interview with Bedtime Stories host Gregg Gethard parts I and II
- Video of The Ultimate Warrior, Animosity Pierre and Diz.
- Recap of January's installment
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LITERARY ADVENTURE: Excerpts from The Antagonistic Field Guide to North American Birds

Comic Vs. Audience is proud to present, once again, a scintillating bi-weekly column, Literary Adventure, written by bookish gadabout Doogie Horner. Everything written in Literary Adventure has been vigorously fact-checked by a team of ten graduate students, so don't second guess any of the outrageous claims made within.

EXCERPTS FROM
THE ANTAGONISTIC FIELD GUIDE TO NORTH AMERICAN BIRDS

INTRODUCTION

Bird Watching is a wonderful hobby that can provide hours of enjoyment. It’s also a great way to get outside and explore nature. What better way to wile away the interminable days than by strolling through the sun-dappled woods, not knowing what exotic bird may be around the next bend, just waiting to be sighted! It’s not like you have anything better to do, and you don’t have to worry about birds telling you how fat those pleated pants make you look.

The avid watcher will discover, by gazing at these graceful creatures, a natural beauty unsurpassed in any of humanity’s grandest achievements. The Mona Lisa, the Great Pyramid of Cheops, and even your mother, all pale in comparison to the colorful plumage of the Blackburnian Warbler. Your mother especially pales in comparison, primarily because the Warbler doesn’t reek of cat piss.

MIGRATION PATTERNS

Depending on where you are in North American, you will view different birds during different seasons. For instance, only an idiot would expect to see Red Breasted Sapsuckers in Southern California during the winter—only a big dumb idiot. I’m talking to you.

I bet you think birds are pretty dumb, don’t you? You’re way smarter than a bird, huh? Well then do this for me: Close your eyes and spin around in a circle. Okay stop, but keep your eyes closed. Now tell me, what direction is South?

You don’t fucking know.

MATING

Many birds attract a mate using bright plumage and elaborate mating dances. It is usually the male who must go through these trials to entice the female. Once two birds are paired, they may stay together for life, or they may part and reproduce with multiple partners. However most birds are monogamous, since it increases the chance of survival for their chics. The Dusky Capped Nighthatch has a bigger dick than you.

BIRDS OF NORTH AMERICA

Common Peafowl
When you see this bird, you’ll think, “Oh look, it’s a peacock.” It’s not a peacock, it’s a peafowl. Please, please don’t say “Look at the pretty peacock!” out loud, or you will embarrass me as well as yourself and we’ll have to leave the party early with everyone watching and wondering what we’re arguing about.

You probably thought I would use this “peacock” discussion as an opportunity to mock your tiny cock, but I’m bigger than that . . . too bad you aren’t.

Crimson Collared Grosbeak
This large finch has especially beautiful coloring. It’s body is a blood red which extends down its back into a deep brown-red. The rich gradation looks like the last light of sunset when a Hunter’s moon is overhead. It’s head and wings are black like the night. Frankly, you don’t deserve to see one of these.

American Woodcock
This tiny cock is less than two inches long and spends most of its time rooting in filthy underbrush. That’s all I’m going to say about that, but I will now turn my eyes on you and arch my eyebrows significantly.

Spotted Dove
This is my favorite bird, and if you have a problem with that you can go fuck yourself.

Gray Catbird
The Gray Catbird’s habitat is low, dense vegetation or vine tangles at the edges of forests, marshes, and streams. Suburban landscapes contain good habitat for this species. Which is fortunate, since suburban landscapes are crowding and destroying the natural habitats of so many other birds. But don’t let that stop you from buying a second SUV, or paving your backyard.

Lesser Prairie Chicken
Hey, the picture of this bird looks a lot like you. You heard me.
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Todd Barry's new album!

In exactly two weeks, Todd Barry's new album, From Heaven, is released!

Barry's Medium Energy is one of our favorite stand-up albums ever, so we are very excited for this and Todd's upcoming performance with Louis CK at The Keswick Theatre in April.

UPDATE: Punchline magazine has a clip from the new album.
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