The Feeko Brothers are Philadelphia's Christian Alsis and Billy Thompson.
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Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
INTERVIEW: Brendan Kennedy
Brendan Kennedy is a Philadelphia stand-up comedian that, because of his "mean-spirited" sense of humor, often performs in bars. He's in the group People Were Outraged with his friends Benny Michaels and Mike Rainey that will be performing Friday the 18th at the Walking Fish Theatre (2509 Frankford Ave.) with Jason Mackhouse and host Doogie Horner.
How and why did you get into stand-up?
I’ve always been writing comedy, even in essays. And in school they don’t really appreciate it in essay format, but I’ve always enjoyed comedy and always been a big fan of it. And I’ve always written skits and when I went to film school I always made funny videos unless they told me otherwise. And then eventually I got the balls and went up and did it on stage and it went well for the first time. I had a hand in my pocket and shaking, but people were laughing. I told some awful story about getting really drunk and taking a dump in the shower accidentally. (laughs) Yeah. And it went from there.
Is that still in your set?
No. I told it twice. At first I didn’t realize that comics are scumbags and they were the only ones laughing at it, so the second time they were like “we already heard that.” And that was that, it was over.
What is People Were Outraged?
It’s a comedy group made up me and my two friends Benny Michaels and Mike Rainey. The three of us, in addition to being relatively new, say horrendous things at a lot of clubs that a lot of audiences don’t appreciate it or want to hear. So we play a lot of bars and the three of us have the most fun on those shows when we are hanging out like that because we like busting on each others’ balls and ripping each other like that. And we all have the same sense of humor and don’t get offended like some people do, so it’s a really good time. And we figured it would be a good way to come together because if I can get five people out, Benny can get five people out and Mike can get five people out, that’s 15 people plus the twelve rooms than you almost have a packed, tiny neighborhood bar and it’s a good time.
So you’re performing at places that usually don’t have comedy?
Right, usually places will hire someone to play the piano and do Bon Jovi covers and play songs that drunk people want to hear, but we go up there and tell jokes that drunk people want to hear. There’s a little bit of pandering, but once you open them up they’re willing to listen to more experimental stuff and it’s fun.
Do you get a lot of hecklers?
Yeah, in a bar you do and I understand because if I wasn’t on stage than I would probably be a person yelling out at a bar show. So I like those people and I get along great with them and I love busting them back because I think that’s what most hecklers want, they just want to have fun and be a part of it. It’s [heckling] very rude when someone is up there and trying to do something serious, but in a bar... Usually I’m on a three foot by three foot box that’s twelve inches high, so that doesn’t really command respect and I really don’t care. It’s fun to just rip on them and have fun.
Do people know ahead of time that there’s a going to be comedy?
Yeah, the bars will usually put it like “Two dollar Jager bombs – Comedy Show.” (laughs) It’s always hilarious to me when a local looks up from the sports game on TV drunk to see you getting on stage. I actually had one guy go “oh, what the fuck.” But he was great because he started heckling with some funny stuff and it’s a comedy show, he’s saying funny stuff and as long as I come back with funny stuff it’s a good time for everybody. We talked about mittens because this guy was drunk with mittens on so I said “how are you wearing mittens and talking shit to anybody?”
What can people expect from your upcoming show at the Walking Fish Theatre?
You can expect awesomeness from one Mr. Jason Mackhouse. He’s been known as the King of Bombedy, aka Jason Mac-hizzle Mac-house. Pretty much he’s amazing. And if you’ve never seen him, he’s a 32 year-old stereotypical Jewish person who lives with his mother, works for the IRS, spent eight years in the military as a trained sniper and wears t-shirts with pictures of Darth Vader on them that he tucks into his sweatpants. And is going to be the greatest fucking thing ever. It’s going to be a fun show. Doogie [Horner] is hosting, Doogie’s hilarious. And Mike, Benny and I are looking forward to it because we like to be as uncensored and mean-spirited as possible, but it’s all a joke so anything you say mean at a comedy show should be taken as a joke. But we do a lot of shows where the crowd doesn’t know what’s happening, “oh, this guy’s really mean”, no, it’s a comedy club, did you not notice what happened when you walked in? Its mean humor and either people enjoy or it or they don’t. This will have people knowing what they are going to see and it should be pretty cool. 
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008
HILARIOUSLY WASTING TIME: Someecards.com
Blue Mountain and Hallmark e-cards just can't express how you feel? Or, got about four hours to waste spend looking at online greeting cards? Then peruse Someecards.com for all your shallow emotional needs.
It's basically an ever-growing collection of one-liners set to sometimes nonsensical sketches and portraits.
Sometimes whimsical, often self-deprecating and occasionally plain out mean, but always hilarious.
What started as a hobby between two business partners has turned in to a modest money-maker with about a dozen contributors. The writing is succint and effective like a good one-liner should be. So it's no surprise that co-founder Brook Lundy used to be a writer for The Onion.
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Monday, April 7, 2008
THE STAND UPPITY TOUR: Comedy That Makes You Feel Better About Yourself and Superior To Others
From The Holy !*@#^%#@$ Department: Stand-up giants Eugene Mirman, Marc Maron and Andy Kindler are touring together in May as The Stand Uppity Tour: Comedy That Makes You Feel Better About Yourself and Superior To Others, sponsored by 23/6.
Their Myspace page has dates, and tragically they aren't coming anywhere near Philadelphia or the East Coast in general.
May 11 2008 7:00P
Southgate House Newport KY
May 12 2008 9:00P
Lake Shore Theater Chicago IL
May 13 2008 7:00P
Turf Club St Paul MN
May 14 2008 7:00P
The Aquarium @ Dempseys Fargo ND
May 17 2008 7:00P
Neurolux Boise ID
May 18 2008 8:00P
McMenamins Bagdad Theater Portland OR
May 20 2008 7:00P
Mezzanine San Francisco CA
May 22 2008 7:00P
Echo Plex Los Angeles CA
May 26 2008 7:00P
Sasquatch Music Festival - Comedy Tent at Gorge Ampitheater George WA
There doesn't seem to be much additional info at this point, so perhaps an East Coast run is still in the works? We can only pray to the big man with the gray beard in the sky.
Good lookin' out by Whip It Out Comedy
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HERE WE GO AGAIN: C-Spot
Sony Pictures is behind C-Spot, a new web comedy video channel that enters the already crowded internet video comedy field:
“We've tapped very talented individuals, both established and up-and-coming, to create a spectrum of original Web series that showcase irreverent characters and stories,” said Sony Pictures Television senior executive vice president Sean Carey. “By updating the content daily, we're looking to engage, entertain and continue to feed the appetite of digital media users seeking more than just one-off viral videos.”There's currently six episodic series up: Gaytown, Hot, Hot Los Angeles, The Writers Room (featuring comic Kevin Pollak, sort of), The Roadents, Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show and Best of Penn Says with probably more to come.
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Friday, April 4, 2008
DUCK, DUCK, NOOSE: A Local Man's Sad Commute is Truly a Buzz-Kill, by Chip Chantry
Chip Chantry is a Philadelphia stand-up comedian that will be headlining at Chuckles Comedy Club in Audubon, PA (827 Trooper Rd.) this Saturday the 5th and at THE MINISTRY OF SECRET JOKES at Fergie's Pub on Wednesday, April 30th (1214 Sansom St.).
It's a shame about Ray.
Quitting time at the top of the Comcast Tower on Market Street in Philadelphia is 4pm for the construction workers on the day shift. The last I-Beam has been welded. The final mirrored window, hoisted into place by the nodding crane, now reflects the sun, making its daily descent to meet with the glimmering Schuylkill.
For most, this is a time for celebration. Some workers hop in their pickup trucks, beating the afternoon rush, arriving home in time for dinner with the wife and kids. Others will make their way to the train or the bus to hurry home for a night of relaxation. Also, there is always the familiar crew who stop off at the corner bar to put back a few pints and enjoy some time with their friends.
Then there is Ray.
Ray Tosco, 38, of Mayfair, finds himself sitting alone, toolbox and hard hat in hand, waiting for his ride to pick him up. He may not look alone; he is, in fact, surrounded by dozens of families, excited children, and giddy tourists donning fanny packs and Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts snapping photos. But, in his heart, he has never felt so lonely. So lonely, or, in fact, so ashamed.
"I can't believe I done this," laments the burly, mustachioed steelworker. "It's the worst mistake I ever made. It's horrible. I just wanna ride the bus."
Tosco used to ride the bus. Every day, to and from work. He always kept his monthly SEPTA bus pass in his wallet, right behind his Quiznos Points Plus card. "I love those sandwiches," he admits, with a sad smile.
Ray Tosco no longer has a bus pass. At least not until September. In its place, nestled behind the Quiznos card, safely tucked into his Velcro wallet, is a constant reminder of the colossal mistake that he made only a few weeks ago.
"I bought a FUCKING Duck pass!" cries Tosco, on the verge of tears- a sad sight for such a strong man. "I din't mean to. It wasn't 'posed to happen like dis."
Ray's story dates back to February 29th of this year- Leap Day, for you believers. Thinking that February went to the 30th on leap year, Ray was shocked to find out that it was the last day of the month. As he exited the bus, he quickly made his way to the ticket office to purchase a monthly bus pass for March. After the hasty transaction, Ray realized there was a miscommunication. Instead of the bus card, he had mistakenly purchased a season pass to the "Ride the Duck" tour, which utilizes an amphibious vehicle that winds through the streets and waterways of Philadelphia. "The Duck" takes tourists around to historic sites, such as Independence Hall, The Betsy Ross House, and the Philadelphia Mint.
"It's the most Quack-tacular tour in Philly!" proclaims tour guide Kelly Scherer, a homely fireplug of a woman, whose brown perm protrudes through her weathered Phillies visor. "Since I started giving tours on the Duck five years ago, I haven't stopped smiling!"
"That crazy bitch never stops smiling," explains Tosco. Some days I wanna take dis soldering iron right to her face. I'm gonna snap if I have to listen to her much longer."
It's not just Scherer that Tosco has to deal with. The pushy tourists, the loud, obnoxious music, and the ever-present duck-bill callers buzz like kazoos of horror in Ray's ears. And the agony is extended. A commute that used to take 25 minutes now takes and hour and a half.
"The bus used to go straight up 95. Now we weave through town all day. Plus we ride up and down the river. Every time we splash into the water, I hope the thing flips over, and takes everyone with it. And that music, and the buzzers... If I have to hear 20 kids named Chelsea and Brandon sing 'YMCA' or do the "Macarena" dance one more time, I may start crying."
A crying man on a Duck tour? You would think that bothers Ray, but it doesn't. "People already look at me like I'm a jerkoff or a pederast. I don't know what's worse, when people are afraid of me at first, or when that tour guide bitch announces to everyone over the microphone why I'm on the Duck. I think about killin' myself a lot at night."
One may think that there is a simple solution to the problem- just get a refund, or trade it in for the bus pass. But it's not that easy. "All sales are final- no refunds," Scherer tells us, as she shoves a sleeve of Double Stuff Oreos in her fat, greasy face. "I understand Mr. Tosco is not happy with his situation, but we are trying to accommodate him. We give him preferential seating, free foldable maps, pamphlets, and we provide him with a new duck bill buzzer every day!"
"They make me wear that fuckin' kazoo around my neck, and they yell at me when I take it off. I look like a retard," laments Tosco.
Public humiliation is not the only danger that Ray faces each day. "Do you know how many teenagers on South Street throw firecrackers at this thing everyday? I've been hit with three this week. I can't hear out of my left ear."
Unfortunately for Ray, this is his lot until September 1st, when the pass expires. Between alimony and child support, he cannot afford to buy another monthly bus pass, and has accepted his cruel fate for the coming months.
The one positive note for Tosco is that Gene, the Duck driver, has agreed to drop him off in his neighborhood each day after the tour is over. Although, as mandated by the tour company, Gene, a retired public school teacher, must keep the music playing the entire time. "He's always playing 'Who Let the Dogs Out' when he gets to my block. I always have him drop me off around the corner. I can't let my neighbors see me in that. They'd egg my house if they saw me riding that fag-wagon everyday."
"I don't appreciate it when Mr. Tosco refers to our duck as an 'F-wagon', responds Scherer as she sweats through her tour guide uniform on a brisk day in mid-March. "I don't think he appreciates the rich history and culture that we share with our patrons."
When asked about the historic benefits of riding the Duck, Tosco laughed. "They drive past the Philly Vietnam Memorial while blasting 'Summer of '69'.! My uncle died in Nam. And now I get to 'honor' him every afternoon with a Bryan Adams tune? That little prick's CANADIAN!"
It looks as if this will be a long summer for Ray Tosco. But will he miss it when it's gone?
When asked if he will ever ride the Duck again after his summer pass has expired, Tosco looked at me, as if puzzled, and had this to offer: "A little girl threw up on my leg yesterday. What the fuck do you think??"
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This Week's Comedy Links brought to you by [your company name here]
Because of last week's debacle we have lost all of our sponsors and are in desperate need of financial support. So, if you have a business that you would like advertised to 24-35 year-old comedy nerds, please e-mail us at comicvsaudience AT gmail DOT com and "let's talk"!
Depending on the rate, your product/service may be the sponsor of individual posts, have the sidebar titles named after it, or, if the level is high enough, we'll change the name of the blog itself to "Comic Vs. [your business' here]". Get in touch today!
With that said, onwards to the links of the week, although we don't know the point of it is if we aren't getting paid...
Only two years since his last album, Marc Maron is recording another this weekend in Seattle. Here he is on Conan.
Jerry Seinfeld got in a car crash in the Hamptons. Insert your own "What's the deal with" joke here.
Will Ferrell takes his shirt off in his new movie, Step Brothers. Here's the trailer.
Mike Myers makes fun of a midget in his new movie, The Love Guru. Here's an early review and the trailer
A Chris Farley biography will be released May 6th.
Amy Poehler interviewed by the A.V. Club.
Ray Romano may be back on TV, this time in his drama "Men of a Certain Age" for TNT.
Bob Odenkirk, Paul F. Tompkins, Jay Johnston, Matt Besser and more read from Comedy By The Numbers at the UCB-LA for an audiobook version so that you can be funny even if you can't read. And, The Sound of Young America recently interviewed the authors.
Jens Hannemann drum sticks will be on sale soon through Drag City Records.
Oh golly did Google.com (pretty good search engine, check it out) get us all with their April Fools joke this year in the C vs. A office! Boy did we look like a "fool"! Other great pranks included the "cracked computer screen" and the "upside-down computer screen" which each take about three seconds to realize are jokes and remind you that your co-workers are kind of boring. Seriously, a pie in the face would be funnier than these.
The Bruno movie has so far danced in the Wichita, Kansas airport and interviewed Ben Affleck
An interview with Andy Kindler.
Joe Rogan is at Helium this week and Temple News have an interview.
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Thursday, April 3, 2008
RECAP: Bedtime Stories 4/2, May's Secret Guest Revealed
Last night's Bedtime Stories, being a tribute to hipsters, contained many a hilarious joke about Pabst Blue Ribbon, Sparks, Fishtown and Arcade Fire. There was the game show "Hipster or Carny" where you could win a PBR tall boy if you correctly guessed if the photo was of a hipster or a carny. And other issues such as gentrification, obscure references and communism were explored. There was even a defense of hipsters. All in all it was a great night and local gay hip-hop duo Sgt. Sass closing it out was icing on the cake.
Near the end, host Gregg Gethard announced that next month's special secret, super special guest is none other than New York comedian Dave Hill!
Some photos from the night:
Host Gregg Gethard shows off his tattoos.
The comedy duo Hipster & Glenn (David Dritsas and Don Montrey)
Corey Cohen of The Sixth Borough downs a Sparks.
Secret Pants discuss obscure films and TV shows over a game of cards.
Meg and Rob sing songs from Indie Hits Before The Takeover.
Pat Kelly of The Sixth Borough as a landlord in Fishtown.
Sgt. Sass
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Wednesday, April 2, 2008
THIS WEEK: PHIT at the Shubin Theatre
It's time again for the Philly Improv Theater's week at the Shubin Theatre, 407 Bainbridge St., Philadelphia, PA 19147. For tickets, visit the Philly Improv Theater's website.
Wednesday, April 2
8 p.m. – Bedtime Stories: Cocaine Sex Jamz, A Tribute To Hipsters, $5. Sez the host Gregg Gethard:
Set to perform are:Skinny jeans. Fixed gear bikes. Loft housing near Frankford Ave. Vampire Weekend's popularity. We live in a city where 55% of the population are college graduates, 42% have been victimized in a violent crime and 89% have their own DJ night at Johnny and Brenda's.
At the next edition of Bedtime Stories, your favorite Philadelphia-area comedians will tackle the hipster phenomenon. To be discussed: hipster culture, indie rock, DJ nights and ways to make Philadelphia a lot more like Brooklyn was five years ago.
Sixth Borough
Meg and Rob
Secret Pants
Don Montrey
Doogie Horner
Anton Shuford
and more
Not to mention a performance by the local hip-hop duo SGT. SASS after the comedy. PLUS, Gethard will announce the super secret, super special guest for the May edition.
Thursday, April 3
8 p.m. – Theatresports: DCT North vs. DCT South. $5.
10 p.m. – CAGEMATCH: Angry People Building Things vs. MakeOut Clinic. $5:
Two teams of improvisers take the stage to vie for the audiences affection and the right to return. Given only 25-minutes and a single suggestion from the audience, each group of performers creates an entire show off the top of their heads, before the audience passes judgement via secret ballot.
Friday, April 4
8 p.m. – Tongue and Groove with Holmes/Maughan, made up of Matt Holmes of the improv trio Rare Bird Show and Greg Maughan, founder of the PHIT and the local group Industrial. $1010 p.m. – Tybrus (left), from the UCB in NYC with local group The Ninjas,$10
Saturday, April 5
8 p.m. – Tybrus with Holmes/Maughan. $10.
10 p.m. – Tongue and Groove with The Ninjas. $10.
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008
LITERARY ADVENTURE: The Time Machine, Part II
Comic Vs. Audience is proud to present, once again, a scintillating bi-weekly column, Literary Adventure, written by bookish gadabout Doogie Horner. One of his past Literary Adventures is included in The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes, which hits all kinds of shelves today.
IN LAST WEEK’S LITERARY ADVENTURE: Doogie built a time machine that was an exact replica of the titular contraption in H.G. Wells’s science fiction classic, The Time Machine. His intention was to travel to London, 1894, and discover what inspired Wells to write the famous story. However, our well-read adventurer made a crucial miscalculation: though his machine traveled in time, it didn’t travel in space. Duh. Doogie was transported to a farm on the outskirts of 1894 Philadelphia, where he met a very short, rude farmer who explained that London was on the other side of the Atlantic.
The Time Machine
Part 2
Embarrassing!
In a word, that’s what it’s like to confuse the concepts of time and space. You can’t sit down on the curb in front of the 7-11 for an hour, and when you get up, expect to be outside the Wendy’s down the street. You gotta’ take the bus. However—as proven by Einstein’s groundbreaking time and space experiments—you can pass out drunk on the curb for an hour, and wake up in jail. At the bar in Munich, a drunken Einstein would often harangue patrons with claims that he could bend the space-time continuum if only they bought him one more peach schnapps.
I thought time travel would be exciting and dangerous, but so far it was nauseating and inconvenient. I thanked the tiny apple-faced farmer (see The Time Machine, Part 1 for explanation) for his insulting but sage advice, and turned to trudge back to my time machine. But as soon as my back was turned, the little bastard threw a rock at me. It hit me in the spine. Hard. Behind me the farmer laughed and laughed and then played the worst rendition of Pachelbel’s Canon in D I’ve ever heard plucked on the Jew’s harp.
I turned to face him, searing zinger on the tip of my tongue, when another rock hit me in the forehead. His tiny arms were deceptively strong. I fired my retort as I retreated across the fields, pursued by stones. “You’re short! And you got an apple face! And you’re a poor player of the Jew’s harp!”
Though I was well out of his range after a few feet, his cackling laugh pursued me even as I climbed into my machine and spun back through time. The jangly, atonal boings of CampTown Ladies swirled with me, accompanied by the farmer’s high-pitched whoops.
Was I going to run away from a wrinkly Cabbage Patch Kid? Hell no.
My plan for revenge was flawless, and elegant in its simplicity: I would go back in time one day, approach the farmer again, and through casual conversation discover his name. Then I would return to the present, find his birth certificate in the Philadelphia hall of records, and discover where and when he was born. Then I would go back to that date and murder him as a child.
I went back in time exactly one day.
– – –
“Hi there!” I smiled widely as I approached the farmer. He was still on his porch swing, still plucking the harp, still three feet tall. He eyed me shrewdly, as he had the day before (the day after, whatever).
“Howdy,” he said.
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
He gazed across the fields. “I think I’d remember seeing a fag tall as you afore.”
I laughed. “Well, my name is P.T. Barnum. What’s your name? I’d like to hire you to perform in my Greatest Show on Earth.”
“What? Why?”
“Uh, well, you know.” The man was three feet tall.
“No, I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Well . . . you’re kind of short.”
His hand was a blur of motion, and before I could move he hurled a rock which almost took my eye out. He followed relentlessly with a volley of stones, many of the shots well-placed: my neck, my knee, the soft flesh of my temple. Moments later I was fleeing across the fields again.
I climbed into the time machine.
– – –
“Hell son, you all banged up!”
I hobbled toward the porch using a stick for support. The bruises on my face were swelling. “Yes, yes I am.”
“Well, that’ll teach you to be a swish.”
“A what?”
“A poof.”
“I’m sorry?”
He spit in the dirt. “A cocksucker.”
“I didn’t get beat up because I was gay!”
“But you admit that y’are.”
“No! I don’t! Look, what’s your name?”
“Are you flirting with me? Sorry to say I ain’t interested. But, I do have a friend who’d love to make your acquaintance.” His sparkling, coal black eyes locked on me. Slowly, deliberately, he dipped his hand into the bucket of rocks under the swing.
Like a slag of iron hardened in the blacksmith’s forge, my white hot rage burned all the fear from me. I no longer cared. I rushed the farmer, swinging my crutch.
My assault caught the elf unaware, and his first rock sailed long, hitting a groundhog and breaking its leg. (Its twelve children would later starve to death. So it goes.) I covered the rutted ground between he and I quickly, and then I was clumping up the steps of the porch and nearly upon him. My mouth salivated in anticipation. The tiny, wrinkled sockets where the farmer’s eyes hid widened as he gazed on the monster I had become.
“Fran!” he screamed in terror.
Fran?
The screen door burst open and a giant woman filled the frame. She stooped to fit through the door and came onto the porch swinging a bathtub. Yes, an entire bathtub. AND it was full of water. And a baby was inside it. The baby had a black powder musket in its hands, and aimed it right at my head as the she-monster roared like a bear. The musket misfired (luckily the powder was wet), but the swinging bathtub hit me in the pelvis. I could feel the right side of my hip shatter, and I fell to the ground.
“ROOOAAR!” Her deafening bellow seared the psoriasis off my elbows--the lone silver lining in this dark cloud of an adventure. I crawled down the porch steps on my hands and knees. She dropped the bathtub. It crashed through the floorboards, and the porch collapsed in a pile a splinters. The farmer yelled. The baby screamed. Fran bellowed like a bear.
I escaped in the chaos.
I crawled to my machine, face dragging through the black soil. I passed the crippled groundhog and her litter of pink, helpless babies. Her pleading eyes reached out to me.
I crawled past.
TO BE CONTINUED
Doogie will be hosting WALKING FISH COMEDY at the Walking Fish Theatre (2509 Frankford Ave.) April 13th, 8PM, $10 and his new comedy show THE MINISTRY OF SECRET JOKES at Fergie's Pub (1214 Sansom St.) on April 30th, 9PM-midnight, $0
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